Thursday 7 January 2016

You look lovely, boy or girl

"Remember when we cut our hair? We both looked like boys but we didn't care."


I am sitting in a coffee store in Glasgow, drawing up designs and prints to sell and earn money to run off to America in Summer. Sounds like something from a movie, but currently it's my life. Across from me is a woman, about 40, drinking a large coffee and applying lipstick. I glance up at her. Wondered for a split second what she is thinking, who was that lipstick for? Her boyfriend or her girlfriend? Or just for herself? I never did find out. However, as she got up to leave, she approached me and said with a look of curiosity and a voice of reasoning 'you look lovely, boy or girl'. My heart skipped a struggling beat. She walked off, touching my shoulder gently. 
Damn, I was in shock. Not because she had called me a boy or questioned my gender but because she accepted my look, my in-between visual on life. She was middle aged, well dressed, seemingly educated and had noticed me in my utopia, or dystopia. I felt a rush of sheer pride for 2016.

Growing up my heroes were Tony Hawk and my brother. I worn baggie skater jeans, with chains hanging from the side, paired with a scuffed pair of DC trainers and carried a skateboard religiously. My hair was knotted until I cut it short because it was blowing into my eyes when I skated down hill. I walked with a swagger, copying the men from my local area, and longed to be in the army fighting front line, defending my country. In school I played football, went mud sliding and hand shake spat with my best friend. In group games I played the solider or the knight, waiting to save a princess or slay a dragon. I had no concept of make up, of how I should look, or how I should dress. Partly I think this is because I was brought up by my father, a man who believes in freedom of speech and individuality. A man who never challenged me to wear a cute dress or curl my hair, but bought me new wheels for my skateboard and my first football. Why am I telling you all this? Because gender has never been on my mind and to my absolute delight, society is seemingly disregarding it accordingly.

I proudly and hopefully ask the question, is this the year we forget about gender? That we stop pigeon holing the world into categories dragged down by expectations and stereotypes? I only laugh and pray to whoever may be up there.

2015 was groundbreaking in terms of gender slamming. Or in media terms, gender 'bending'. In late 2015 the whole world fell completely and uncontrollably in love with Orange is the New Black star Ruby Rose, myself included, who proudly voice her own personal experiences with identifying as gender fluid and greeted the nation at the EMA's with the statement "ladies and gentlemen and everyone in-between.".

In fashion, Rain Dove became the face of a menswear campaign for Ace Rivington. And Other Stories released a campaign starring only transgender models. Designer Jonathan Anderson won Designer of the Year in both menswear and womenswear categories. Known for dressing his models androgynously this was a beautiful achievement.  

2016 has only just begun and already it has been announced that Jaden Smith is starring in Louis Vuitton's womenswear ad campaign and transgender film director Lana Wachowski will be the face of Marc Jacob's Spring/ Summer '16 campaign. Damn, can I stay it, 'what a great day to be alive.'.

As 2016 begins to run free, is this the year of the culture shift which disregards gender identification and accepts the beings of gender fluidity and simply leaves all questioning in the hand of our DNA make up? I think it might. *drops mic*



Wednesday 4 November 2015

A letter to the girl.

To the innocent youth of the 5 year old skater girl.

To the confused 7 year old girl, 
perched on her bed, 
wondering if they had gotten it wrong.

To the playful 9 year old girl, 
bursting with excitement when scoring the winning goal.

To the distressed 10 year old girl, 
embarrassed and ashamed when they said she couldn't play.

To the overwhelmed 12 year old girl, 
venturing into new surroundings and unfamiliarity's. 

To the drunk 14 year old girl, 
dressed in black, picking product from her glazed eyes. 
Crying, frightened, unsure she is. 

To the once innocent 16 year old girl,
Lying on a bed, staring at the roof. 
Hangover sinking, come down dawning.

To the lying 18 year old, 
trying desperately to conform. 
Trying desperately to look her up most. 
Trying desperately to impress. 
Falling over 6inches every weekend. 
Indulging on fake things she never truly wanted. 
Lying, hiding, desperately escaping. 

To the determined 19 year old. 
Who found herself through the darkness. 
Who felt her love for the first time.
Who embraces every moment. 
Who over came her fears and jumped higher than she ever had. 
Who destroyed all expectations. 
Who came to the realisation of who she was. 
Why she was once confused, distressed, drunk, lying. 
Who stopped pretending and started living.


Welcome to the world. 
Roam freely.

Friday 30 October 2015

Where will you be, when you're absolutely free?



The months end as new ones begin, rolling together like waves crashing against the sand, and I can't help thinking 'is time really going this fast?'. I am struggling to keep up. Struggling to digest the concept of time. Struggling to break free.


From January until now I have been riding the roller coaster of life. Leaving a much loved job, travelling some of Europe, working and backpacking around America, chucking 19 years of my life into brown boxes and moving to pursue my dreams, falling back into education with an earth quaking bang, cutting my hair and saying peace out, or fuck you, to my former self. Realising how short, how magical, how beautiful life can be when we free ourselves and look closely.



Recently I was struck with a gut wrenching fear. What if I wake up one day regretting not following my thoughts? What if, by the time I have come to this realisation, I am too old to conquer all that could have been. A life wasted on waiting. On procrastinating. On just dreaming, not doing.



So in that moment I made a vouch, a promise, an unbreakable vow to myself to start living and achieving all that can be achieved. No more imagining projects that may or may not change the world.  No more surprising my creativity because what I dreamt up might not work out. No more waiting, time to start doing.



Due to my vow, I have created this space to let my mind run wild. To skip aimlessly into controversial topics and stumbling back giggling, to delve into questioning humanity and all it stands for, to think outside the box and to work freely, embracing every god damn moment of daily life that graces me.



Welcome to The Human Box,

I hope you enjoy the ride.